"Why can't I feel God's love like her? "

One person who really played a important part in my life. Ursula, a German lady who married a Japanese man. She was the leader of Japanese Alpha Course and she led so many Japanese to God.

My mother met her in Alpha Course and they became good friends.She was a passionate woman who was full of faith. I liked her alot.

After week 5 of Alpha, she invited us to her house. Then I met one Japanese girl who was studying in Australia and one Taiwanese lady.

The Taiwanese lady was interested in Christianity but she had so many doubts. She was a little confused at this time because she learned wrong teachings from cult religion before.She was trying to understand things by "studying" just like me.

The Japanese girl, Lilly (nickname) surprised me. She cried all the time when she talked about God. She was "feeling" God in her heart.I was feeling strange when I saw her crying because I wasn't like her.

I just assumed that perhaps she had a sad past and she's desperate to be healed. That's because most Christians that I knew had tragic past before they believed in God.

But Lilly was different. She just never heard about Jesus Christ until she started going to church.She said she couldn't stop crying from the moment she heard about Jesus and His cross.And then she accepted everything and she felt God's love instantly.

When I heard this, I was envious of her. How can she just accept everything so quickly?
Why can't I feel God's love like her?

When Ursula and Lilly found out that I've never been to Sunday services, they strongly recommended me to go.

I was thinking, "Would this change me if I went to a church service???"
All the time during Alpha I didn't go to church services because I didn't want to bother my mother to drive for me.

So I made a decision to drive myself to Alpha and Sunday Services.

First Youth Group Experience

One of the young boys from Alpha invited me to Youth group so I went there for the first time.
I thought it's going to be just like a meeting where you hear the message and study the bible.That was how it was like anyway in other churches that I went before.

BUT I WAS WRONG!

When I arrived to the church, I heard massive sound coming out... Drums... guitar etc... and smoke coming out from there as well...

where am I? Live concert???

Young people there looked as if they were going to clubbing or something. They looked cool. They were jumping up and down raising hands... but I didn't know what to do.
The youth leader was LOUD and FUNNY.

It took me a while to process, but then I got used to it and started enjoying the atmosphere.

Afterwards we went upstairs and divided into small groups.The topic of discussion was "God's plan."I had no idea back then so I was mainly listening. I was surprised to hear these cool looking people talking about DREAM, LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, VISION etc.That was because I've never heard young people talking about something serious like that before.

They all talked about their future dreams and vision and prayed for each other.But at this time I didn't know how to pray so I asked people to pray for me.

I honestly shared about my feelings to one girl in that group.

"I don't know why I'm going to Alpha and these kind of meetings because I'm going to go to Japan in February anyway.I'm not a Christian... but the funny thing is I feel comfortable when I come here."

Then the girl smiled at me and said,

"I believe that God called you here to tell you something.It's not an accident. Perhaps you haven't found the answer yet and feeling confused but it's good that you're seeking.So don't worry! I'll pray for you too"

I felt accepted hearing this. I loved her beautiful smile.

I met alot of people this day. It was good to meet people in my age group with faith.